Letters To Brittany
by devotedfan
Summary: It's been almost a year since I've seen my son. I left him, just like I left his mother. I ran away hoping that I could start anew away from my life and myself. Yet hard as I try all I seem to find is the same ole' Santana I was a year ago and a year before that


Letters To Brittany

_**Santana**_

It's been almost a year since I've seen my son. I left him, just like I left his mother. I ran away hoping that I could start anew away from my life and myself. Yet hard as I try all I seem to find is the same ole' Santana I was a year ago and a year before that. No matter how hard I try I can't seem to pinpoint the exact time I changed, from the girl who took charge and planned to conquer the world into a coward. I had big ideas and big dreams but now all I am left with is regret and sadness. I miss Alex. I have everyday since I left him and her, his mother. To even utter her name these days is dangerous, I miss her with every fiber of my being. I remember the day I met her, at just twelve years old I didn't understand what I was feeling all I knew was that every second of everyday I needed to just be near her, Brittany. Brittany with her eyes bluer than the ocean. Brittany with her sun kissed blonde hair. Brittany the only woman I've ever loved. Brittany the person I've betrayed the most.

_**Brittany**_

_ "Mom, come on we're gonna be late."_ I hear an impatient Alex yell from down the hall. It's scary how much like Santana he is. Everything about him screams her, I hate it and love it all at the same time. It's been ten months and twenty-six days since she left. Don't ask me why or where she went, because I couldn't tell you. I came home to a note on the counter and empty closets. The note I hoped would explain her sudden departure but all it said was _B, I'm so sorry. _I'm sorry, after almost ten years all I get is I'm sorry. No explanation to give our son who has been asking me questions non-stop. A son who I haven't had the heart to tell that his mother left us, just that she had to go on a trip for work. No explanation to stop myself from reanalyzing every conversation, kiss, or touch we'd ever shared wondering what I did wrong and how I pushed her away. But no I got nothing except _I'm sorry. _I pick myself up out of bed each morning thinking of _I'm sorry _hoping that it will be enough to get me through a day of a million and one question from our five year old, phone calls from both our parents and friends who I'm sure mean well but only do more harm than good, a day at a job that I used to love but now hate because it requires fake smiles and forced pleasantries.

"_Mom are you coming?"_

_ "Yes, I'm coming right down."_ I pull myself out of bed trying to think less of _I'm sorry_ and more of the fact that today is the first day of kindergarten. A day my son has been talking about since he saw Charlie, Rachel and Quinn's daughter, head into class on her first day. Like Charlie today we will be met by Rachel and Quinn who I know will ask me how I'm doing and if I need anything but like always I'll respond with I'm fine and they'll nod not believing a word of what I'm saying.

"_Hey sweetie are you all ready to go?"_

"_Yeah are you sure we can't call mami to see if she can come today?"_

"_I'm sure, we talked about this remember she has to be away for a while." _I hope he won't go too far into this, it's a lie I hate retelling.

"_I know but when she went away to work before she used to call us on the computer and the phone all the time."_

"_I know but this time is different, if she could call she would. Now let's go we don't want to be late for your first day I know you don't want to miss anything."_

With that he hangs his head and walks out of the kitchen into the garage. I don't know how much longer I can lie to him, soon he'll be older and realize the truth. Sometimes I wonder if I lie because I don't want to face the truth myself.

_**Santana**_

Before my eighteenth birthday I had the entire world at my fingertips I'd go to NYU and Brittany would dance. Brittany and I built a world around the two of us, where we could do anything and nothing bad could touch us. I truly believed that we could have everything that we planned, but then my parents found out about our relationship. Within a few hours my college fund disappeared and my bank account which held at least thirty-five thousand dollars, earned during high school summers, gone. They told me that I could stay with them until I was eighteen, which lucky enough for me was after High School Graduation, but then what I was on my own without any money.

I remember telling Brittany, she told that no matter what everything would be okay and we'd be together even if that meant staying in-state for a year or two then transferring. But to me staying in-state was a failure, when for the past eighteen years I told myself that I was getting out of Ohio and going somewhere that mattered. We argued that night, which was my fault I'm sure that if I listened things would be different now. But no I started shouting and then you started shouting. I said things I didn't mean that made you cry and because you cried I ran ashamed at what I'd done. That night held a lot of firsts for me. It was the first time I realized that the world we built behind closed doors and in hushed moments spent in bed was nothing more than childhood fantasies. Running away from you that night not wanting to go home to more disappointed looks from my parents I went to the park. I wonder what our lives would be like now had I not gone to the park and met Chris. Chris an Army recruiter who read me like an open book, seeing all my problems and telling me the United States Army had all the answers. He told me that they'd welcome me, give me an education, a decent paycheck, and a community to belong to. Now I realize how much Chris lied and how the only thing I ever really needed to belong to was you. Chris called me everyday and after we made up you got suspicious about the phone calls I never answered when you were around. I lied and told you that it was my grandmother. And on the night before my eighteenth birthday my parent went to a conference and you stayed over, we spent that entire night showing each other just how much we loved each other. You spoke to me about the world that we created, I nodded along all the while knowing that I wouldn't be able to keep up my end of the bargain. The next morning you were still sleeping when Chris picked me up. I thought for a second while getting ready about not answering the door and staying in bed with you. But then I wasn't a coward unlike now, so I went downstairs where Chris stood with a giant smile on his face asking me if I was ready to elevate my life into something better. I told him that I changed my mind and that I was going to be with you. The look of disappointment on his face reminded me of my parents when they found out about you and I and I couldn't have another person thinking that I was a disappointment so I left with him. The look on his face didn't even hold a candle to the look on yours when I told you.

_**Brittany**_

There are moments when I forget that you're gone. I fell asleep before going to pick up Alex from Kindergarten, when I woke up there was pillow was pressed against my back and for a second I thought it could have been you. I smiled happy like I'd woken up from a bad dream, but then I rolled over and it was just a pillow. I wanted to stay in bed and cry for what I'd lost but my alarm went off signaling to me that it was time to pick up our son. I was happy for the distraction that our son has provided me over the past ten months, I hate to let my mind wander to where I'd be if he wasn't here breaking me from my thoughts.

Pulling up into the school I see him standing in a circle with the rest of his classmates in front of the school playing what looks like Duck Duck Goose. As I park and walk towards the group he's chosen to run, he lets out a squeal of laughter running away from a little girl. He narrowly makes it back to his seat causing the entire group to burst with laughter. He is so much like you even looking at him unabashedly laughing I see the same face you used to make when you were truly happy. I feel a smack against my legs breaking me out of my daze looking down there is our son, the culmination of the two of us smiling up at me.

"_Mama school is the best thing ever we had so much fun. Miss Claire let us..."_ Hearing him tell me all about school I wish you were stood to my right listening along with me.

_ "Mama can we go get ice cream now, you promised remember?"_ You started the ice cream thing every time something big happened in our lives we went out for ice cream. Sometimes by the flavor I could tell you mood. I still can recall the waking up on your birthday alone, calling your phone wanting to make sure you were alright. I waited almost two hours and just as I got scared that something had happened you walked through the door with a grocery bag in your hand. I rushed toward you kissing your face, you kissed me back but it was different. You took my hand and led me to the breakfast bar in your parent's elaborate kitchen, and pulled out a chair for me. My first clue that something was wrong when you didn't say a word you just went to the drawer on the other side of the counter and pulled out two spoons. We sat there in silence, I was itching to ask what was wrong but from the look on your face I knew that whatever it was you weren't ready to tell me so I waited. It felt like we sat there for an hour but in reality it was maybe ten minutes, before you looked at me. I don't even remember what you said first all I can recall is the look on your face and the feeling of my heart dropping as you told me that you had joined the army. I know that you never really believed in the lives that we made up when we were alone together, you started to but your parents ruined that for you and me. You may not have believed but I knew that no matter what, the world was going to take note of our love and allow us to have everything because we were special.

"_Yeah we can get ice cream now, what toppings are you using today?"_

_**Santana**_

When you got up and walked out of my house, after I uttered those four words that changed the course of our lives forever, I thought we were done. But two weeks later when I plucked up the courage to show up at your front door, after maybe a hundred ignored texts and calls, you just pulled me into you and hugged me as we both cried right there on you front steps. Upstairs in your room we laid down together, you were flat on your back with me curled into you with my head on your chest listening to the steady beat of your heart. I loved and continue to love that you're a dreamer, you kissed my forehead and told me how I would go to the army and the life we could have. You willing threw yourself into the life of an army wife according to the show you spent the past week watching on Netflix. You almost sounded excited to follow me around to whatever base they sent me to, but being me I wanted to tell you no that you had to dance. I knew that if everyone could see how you moved they would love you just as much as I do. I started to tell you that you could still go to New York without me but before I could open my mouth you kissed me and I felt like that was your way of wishing away my worries. Your kisses worked for a while, we had an amazing carefree summer. Staying at your parents house being young and blissfully unaware of how soon our new bubble was going to burst. We had a good month and a half before my letter came down informing me that I had two weeks to report to basic training. I waited three days before telling you it was over Pistachio Almond Ice Cream which I used to hate but because it reminded me of our first kiss I could eat gallons. You kept a brave face telling me that you'd researched the entire process of joining the Army and how you knew this was coming. Again that night you took me to your room and with my head on your chest you told me of our life together.

God, Brittany I wish that I could come home. I miss you, I want so much to reach out to you and give you something to let you know that our years together are worth so much more than that note I left. If you knew the things that I've done you wouldn't be able to stomach the sight of me. I can't even stomach the sight of me thinking about the things that I've done the people I've hurt. I've tried so hard to atone for the sins that I have committed, for the years since my first tour I thought that if I gave you the world then that would account for me taking away someone else's. I think I might write to you, it was always easy for me to write how I was feeling especially during my time at war. Pulling out a pencil and paper, I start to write.

_**Brittany**_

"_So after almost eleven months she just wrote you a letter?"_ Asks Rachel for the third time since her and Quinn came over for a "play date".

"_Yes Rachel she wrote me a letter."_ I tell her for the third time since this spontaneous "play date" started. On theses "play dates" they come over and ask me a bunch of questions hoping to find out how I'm really doing.

"_Okay and you haven't read it?"_ Rachel again. Quinn is mostly silent, I sometimes wonder if she knows where Santana is. Growing up they were friends when we met and have been especially close ever since Santana joined the army.

"_No I haven't, what if it's something I don't want to hear?"_

"_Forget that you have to find out why her sorry ass left you and Alex. Hopefully all it says is that she won't be coming back, Right Quinn?"_

"_Rae, Santana's my friend and yeah this is screwed up but she went through a lot maybe we shouldn't be so hard to judge. We all were there when she came back the first time."_

Quinn's right after basic training my Santana came back to me, the only noticeable difference was that she was in better shape than before. I thought maybe we could make it through the three year contract unscathed. After basic we had a year together with me taking classes at Lima Community College and you going every other week to attend a training session. Then I came home to check the mail and there was a letter from the Army, I just held it knowing what it was. Hoping that if I threw it away you wouldn't have to go, but then you came home and saw the letter. This time it was you that scooped me up and laid me on your chest and told me about the life we could have together. They gave us one more month and then you were gone. For the first three months you couldn't call, that first call all I could do was cry. After going ninety days without seeing your face and hearing your voice I thought that I was dying. You got to Skype twice a month for only fifteen minutes. I lived for those fifteen minutes. During those calls I could see you changing each time, it was so subtle but there was a hardness to you that wasn't there before. I ignored it because I didn't want to face the reality of what you were doing over there or what could happen to you. In total that first time you were gone five hundred and forty seven days. When you came back you looked like my Santana but you weren't my Santana anymore, I would get flashes but you were different. After about a month of you being back I got my Santana back, I tried talking to you one night after seeing a special on the news about soldiers. You shot me down and instead asked me when in our life story we would get married. I said I didn't know, you then asked me if I would marry you and apologized for it not being overly romantic. I said yes knowing that I'd do anything for you because even before we got married I was yours and you were mine. Our engagement was short we had a wedding two months after becoming engaged, almost everyone we knew came. Your mother swallowed her pride and called us after she heard of our pending nuptials. The wedding was beautiful neither of us really had a say, my mother went a little crazy and planned the entire thing herself, but it was perfect. The honeymoon lasted a month; with your bonus you took me to Paris, London, Barcelona, and Rome; God I remember eating so much food. I thought that going to four cities was a little much and that we could just stay home but you told me that you had to give me everything. Now all I can think about is how I would trade almost anything just to have You, Me, and Alex together again.

After Quinn and Rachel leave I sit down looking at your letter, it looks simple enough a plain white envelope with two stamps and my address but not yours. Opening it and pulling out the papers inside I start to read.

_Brittany,_

_I'm at a lost for words, I've always needed a little bit of time to figure out what to say to you. You'd think that all this time would be enough for me to come up with something other than I'm sorry. I'm sorry doesn't even begin to describe how I hate what I've put you and Alex through. I understand if you want nothing to do with me anymore, I just hope that I can try to explain why I left you. We may have built this life together but in a way I always kept you in the dark never really giving you the full story, wishing to spare you. I would give everything I have to go back to that night we fought and I stormed out. These past few months I've realized that's where I started to go wrong. Basic Training was a lot harder than I thought it would be, they want to break you down and then build you back up so that the only thing you know is yes sir and no sir. But I couldn't let them take you away from me, so I fought but it seemed that the harder I fought the more they liked me. They admired my drive and unwillingness to break, an Admiral told me that with traits like that one day I could be extremely useful to my country. When I came back the world was once again different to me, I wished to go back to Junior Year in your room when we worried about nothing but practice and when we could next sneak moments alone. In a way we did go back to Junior Year for the entire year before my first deployment we had each other and nothing got in the way. But then that damn letter came, when I saw it in your hands I thought okay I can do six months but it wasn't six months it was a year and a half. A year and a half of being away from you. At first it was fine a little hot and boring with nothing but daily patrols to keep us busy. I wondered what all the fuss was about if war was sitting around all day. But then someone got sick and my commanding officer thought it was time I got a real taste of war, so he sent me out on a bomb retrieval unit. The leader of the unit told me that they got tips or Intel on where a bomb might be and went to disabled it, on this day the tip was for a field with about three IEDs buried. We recovered the first and the second but as we were searching for the third a sniper to west of us opened fire. Even with a machine gun strapped to my chest I ran back to the Humvee and hid while the other three continued the fire fight. We all made it out alive, but word of how I ran and hid go back to my commanding officer and he then made it his mission to turn me into a solider. He sent me out on almost every mission, telling me that one of these days I'd turn around and fire or I was coming back to you in a body bag. The thought of you at my funeral was too much for me so eventually I did fire my gun, but that's a story for another day. Again I'm sorry isn't enough but right now it's all I have._

_I love you,_

_Santana_

Your letter didn't really answer any of my questions as to why. It told me that joining the Army had changed you and ultimately us but I knew that already, I just wished that you could tell me more but with you it always took time.

_**Santana**_

It's been a week since I sent you that first letter, I've thought about sending you more but I don't know how my first one was received. Alex should have started kindergarten by now, I know that he'll do great in school he always has been really smart. I think I might go to the VA it might help for me to see someone, it's ironic that it took leaving you to listen to you. You suggested that I talk to someone at the VA when I came back from my second deployment. I ignored you because I was stronger than sitting in a therapists room crying about all the awful things I willingly signed up to do. But it might help me find my way back to you, because I'm drowning. Do you remember that second deployment? I was terrified that I couldn't stand another year and a half away from especially now that you were my wife. This time it wasn't a year and a half but two years, which I still can't understand how they kept me there my contract was up and I wanted to go home. But political red tape kept me there. I thought that the first deployment was rough but it was the second when I truly realized the casualties of war. I think I'll write you another letter, you deserve another letter.

_**Brittany**_

I'm waiting on another letter, I hope it won't take another ten months for me to get one. Alex is loving kindergarten, getting up early not so much. I've read your letter almost twenty times now trying to read between the lines hoping that like when you spoke to me I could look into your eyes and see the truth but still all I see are words. Alex is still hoping that you will call him, I've decided to tell him soon it's only fair we agreed that lying wasn't something we'd do with our kids. I just have to figure out how to even begin to tell him that his hero left for good.

It was two weeks before I got your second letter, unlike the first I ripped it open savoring having a piece of you. You asked me about Alex and if I remembered we when decided to have him, I thought of course it was the happiest time in my life.

Like after your first deployment when you came back you were different, for almost three months you barely slept and when you did you had nightmares. You tried to hide them but I couldn't help waking up when you lay next to me thrashing and crying. We didn't have sex those first few months, you barely let me kiss you it was as if you were afraid. I couldn't help but curse the Army for taking you away once again and giving you back broken. I'd often catch you in a daze and when I asked what you were thinking about you told me nothing, even though behind those brown eyes I could tell that nothing was the last thing on your mind. You brought up kids after I caught you in one of those dazes, it was so random but I was ready. Getting pregnant was easy for us especially after you were given a confirmation that your contract was up and that you were home for good. I tried to talk to you about names but you told me that when he was here that we'd know just name. Our little boy decided that his delivery date was more of a suggestion and I was miserable but like the entire pregnancy you were phenomenal. Alex was born at seven pounds eight ounces the exact weight you were, when you held him for the first time you whispered something in another language I asked and you just said it was a blessing. You looked into his eyes and told me that his name would be Alex, similar to Alejandro after you grandfather. I don't know what happened because for the first few years of his life you treated the both of us like royalty, until you were gone. You taught him almost everything, you'd love how good his Spanish has gotten.

The second part of your second letter was revealing. I can almost understand why you behaved the way you did. After your parents took away your college money I noticed that you were constantly trying to atone for something and in your letter I can see that you kept that trait with you. I want to say I'm shocked that you killed someone but I've always had the question in the back of my head.

_**Santana**_

_Dear Brittany,_

_I dream of them often. It starts out with me on what I thought was another simple patrol. I'd been on high alert ever since we came under heavy fire on yesterday's supply run. Sitting in the Humvee there are five of us, I'm the only girl. Lucky enough for me there all decent guys, some of the other women at the base aren't so lucky. We pull up to a house, secluded away from the others. I ask why we're here. Patrick the guy normally on my six tells me we have a target that needs to be taken care of and the intel tells us that he's inside. We get out creeping our way towards the front door, the house is completely silent. I can only hear the light breaths of the guys around me, Sean in front motions telling me and Patrick to go upstairs. Upstairs we clear the rooms to the left, heading to the right is when I hear them. Peeking inside the room there is a woman and her five children all looking under ten. Patrick radios down to Sean who comes up. Sean asks the woman in Arabic where her husband is, the woman says she doesn't know. Sean asks again and still she says she doesn't know. So he reaches forward grabbing the toddler in her arms pointing the gun at his chest. She pleads with him to stop, but he only asks where her husband is. When she again says she doesn't know a pop goes off and the woman's screaming gets louder. She's letting out gut wrenching sobs clutching her baby close. Carter Sean's friend pushes her away telling her that if she doesn't tell us where we can find her husband we'll kill them all. I remember thinking we can't kill these kids, we came here for one guy not his family. Her children who are crying just as loud as their mother join her in telling us they don't know. Sean picks up another, I reach forward trying to grab the little girl from his grasp, but Carter shoves me back. As I hit the floor I hear pop after pop. He kills them all leaving the mother there surrounded by the bodies of her children, she isn't crying anymore. She just holds the youngest one saying what I now know is a blessing. Sean presses the gun to her head telling her she has one last chance, he cocks the gun. Carter stops him telling him that he can't have all the fun when Lopez hasn't killed one yet. I slowly back away when Sean turns to me with a grin telling me he saved the best for last. I turn to run out the door but they grab me thrusting the gun into my hand pointing it back at her temple. I look away telling them I won't, he laughs and tells me that if I ever want to see my wife anytime soon I need to learn to play ball. I closed my eyes and thought of you at home waiting for me to write, call, or Skype. Looking into the woman's eyes I begged that she heard my silent plea of forgiveness as I pulled the trigger. I'll never forget the complete emptiness in her eyes, we took the only things that meant anything to her. I couldn't imagine someone coming into my home and taking my family from me._

_That night back at base we gave the commander our debriefing and he poured me a drink and told that I did good, made my country proud. Word spread around the base like wildfire of what we'd done, and they congratulated us on a job well done. I went to sleep that night hating myself and hating what I'd become. I awoke to the commander telling me that in two days time I was going to be flown stateside given an award and given leave. When he left for the first time I cried. I cried because I would see you again. I cried for that woman and her children. I cried for myself not knowing how I'd go home after becoming a murder._

_Back home I couldn't help but think about the life that I took and how I could make it right. So I asked you for a baby hoping that if I helped bring a life into this world that maybe it would make up for the lives we took that night. You were so surprised but you said yes like I knew you would. God Britt you were a hormonal mess during your pregnancy, but I've never loved you more. When Alex was born I remember holding him and saying the same prayer as that woman, hoping that whatever she said not only guarded her children but would guard ours as well._

_I don't like where I am Britt. I can't be here for much longer, everyday I miss you and I know it's my own fault. I need to hear your voice, I feel like I might go insane. I want Alex to tell me all about kindergarten. I almost called you this morning, but before I dialed the last number I talked myself out of it. It's not the first time either, one of these days I'll let the call go through. One day when I'm not such a coward and can be the woman you married._

_I love you,_

_Santana_

_**Brittany**_

I wish you would have let the call go through I miss you but sometimes it scares me that each day without you it hurts a little less. I hope you come back soon before it's too late and I won't be able to forgive you.

_**Santana**_

I took me standing outside the VA for three days before I finally went in. So far it's been two months of therapy, some one on one with Dr. Neil, and group sessions with other vets. Dr. Neil has helped me a lot, I haven't slept this good in a long time. Hearing that I'm not the only one who regrets their choices is a huge relief. My biggest regret is losing my family, which I hope to remedy starting today. Dr. Neil and I have talked and we both agree that it's time I call Brittany.

_**Brittany**_

It's been a year. A year since I've heard her laugh, felt her kiss, her touch. I've been getting letter almost everyday sometimes there long, the longest was fifteen pages. Others are short sometimes just I love and please don't give up on me. I want to write back letting her know that I haven't given up. Alex asks only a few questions since starting school, I feel like he knows. I've tried to bring her up but he always switches the subject as if he's trying to forget she exists all together. Ever since the letter telling me that you thought of calling, anytime the phone rings I feel hope that today it's finally you. I can't decide if I want you to call or just show up one day.

_**Santana**_

I'm sitting at the park down the street from the VA, there are a couple of kids here around Alex's age. Hearing them laugh I imagine him here with you sitting behind me arms wrapped around my waste. I pull out my phone dialing your cell before I lose the courage. It rings about five times and I get discouraged thinking maybe you don't want to talk or that you're busy with someone else before I get an answer.

"_Hello." _It's Alex, I start to cry because he sounds so grown up.

"_Hello, is anybody there?"_

"_Hey Alex."_

"_Mami, I knew you'd call me, but why did you take so long? Me and momma have been waiting for you to come back, when are you coming back. My birthday is coming up soon are you coming?_

I can't even begin to process what he's saying. My baby boy, how could I be so selfish missing him growing up.

"_I don't know I'll try to come home for your birthday but I don't know for sure. Is your mom home?"_

_**Brittany**_

I'm in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready, we're having chicken. I hear my phone ring from the living room, where Alex is watching TV.

"_Alex sweetie can you answer my phone?" _I hear the phone ring one more time before he says hello. I wash my hands cleaning off the raw chicken before going to get the phone.

"_Mami, I knew you'd call me.." _Is all I hear before my knees give out. I can't believe it she finally called, I've waited and obsessed over this call and now here it is.

"_Yeah mama's here. Do you wanna talk to her?" _I don't know if I'm ready for this. Alex reaches the phone out.

"_Hello."_

"_Hi Britt."_

"_Hi."_

"_Uh..I know there's nothing that I can say or do that will make up for this past year but I want a chance to fix it, I'm trying to fix myself B. I'm making progress but I know I'll never be whole again if you guys aren't by my side. I just..." _She goes on and all I can think is Santana is on the phone and how a phone call isn't enough for me after years of rushed phone calls and fifteen minute Skype sessions, I need face to face.

"_Come home Santana so we can talk, I'm not doing this over the phone. We love you and it's time for you to come home, we can fix it no matter what just come home." _I can hear her crying on the other end.

"_Okay I'll be there and I love you guys too."_

"_We'll be waiting Santana it better not take you a year to come back to me."_

"_It won't I'll catch the next flight out."_

"_Okay we'll be waiting don't let us down._

She promises me that she won't and she'll catch the soonest plane, I want to believe her but I don't know if I can.

"_So is she coming back?" _I look to my left and see Alex looking at me with eyes filled with hope.

"_She said she would, but just in case she doesn't don't get too excited."_

"_She will, Mami always keeps her promises."_

_**Santana**_

As soon as we hang up I'm racing back to my apartment throwing as much as I can into my old army duffel bag. In this past year I haven't collected much just enough to get me through the week. My cab will be here in ten minutes to take me to the airport. I can't believe it I'm going home. I get to see my family again.

On my way to the airport I booked a ticket for a flight leaving at seven pm giving me only an hour and half wait time, I'll get home around two am. Should I go to a hotel and wait till morning or try and get home as soon as possible? Going back and forth in my head isn't helping so I pull out my phone and send a text to B. She responds instantly telling me to come home.

The entire flight I can't keep still, constantly twirling my fingers and bouncing my leg. The flight attendant looked a little worried, she even offered me a drink telling me that it will help with the nerves. I rebuff her offer just wanting to get home and then all my nerves will be calmed.

The plane lands and I rush off, thankful that the flight wasn't too full. I can feel them here all around me now, I'm so close. The luggage is taking a minute too long, I leave it running towards the exit looking for a taxi. I find an open one giving him the address and telling him I'll give him double if he gets me there as fast as he can.

_**Brittany**_

She told me she'd be here around two am. I've cleaned the house at least three times over now and redone my hair. It is surreal to me that after a year all it took was a phone call and now she's coming home. I'm so nervous about what's going to happen, what if we aren't able to work it out? I don't think I could handle it.

It's two thirty in the morning when I hear a car pull into our driveway. I tell myself it could be my neighbors so don't get too excited.

_**Santana**_

I'm standing outside our house, the living room lights are on, she waited up for me. All the rushing I did is catching up with me I savor the few steps I have until I reach the front door. I take a deep breath before reaching my hand up to knock. Before my hand makes contact with the door it's flung open. There stands Brittany, beautiful as ever taking me in. I can't help but stare at her, she' so much better than I remember.

_**Brittany**_

It's her Santana, standing at my front door. I rip the door open and see her looking glorious in jean and a t-shirt. Looking her over I see I have nothing to worry about this is Santana, my Santana. The one I have loved since I was a kid, the one I married, the mother of my son, my everything. She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. So like before I reach out and pull her into me holding her close both of us relishing in the feel of the other. I bring her inside to our room, laying us down like I did when we were younger except this time I have no stories to tell, because I don't know what's going to happen. It doesn't scare me, it excites me. Right now having Santana close to me for a few hours before Alex wakes up and demands her time and attention is all I need. Everything can wait we have the rest of our live to talk, so for right now we're just going to lay here.


End file.
